I get it.
I remember sitting on the bus, looking at a pregnant woman, and actually wanting to hit her, just because she was pregnant and I was not.
I remember getting those invites to baby showers, and kids birthday parties, and trying to think of a way to decline.
I’ve had so many people up in my business for this test, that procedure, just a peek.
I remember being told by an OBGYN that “oh, it’s just a backup from years on the pill. You’ll be pregnant by Christmas”.
I remember when sex became a chore, just a means to an end.
I’ve heard “when are you having babies”, “you just need to relax”, “it will happen when it happens”.
I remember waiting. Waiting to see if the drugs are working, waiting to see if the cycle was a success, waiting to see a doctor, waiting for test results, waiting to get on “the list”.
I’ve had to scrape together thousands of dollars for fertility treatment.
I remember the drugs, oh the drugs. The needles, nasal sprays, pills where pills shouldn’t ever have to go, the hormonal side effects.
I remember feeling angry, useless and powerless. Angry that I couldn’t even do something that my friends seemed to have no trouble doing. Useless that I had to rely on doctors to tell me what to do. Powerless to have no say in what was happening in my own body.
I didn’t know then what I know now.
So you see. I get it.