I get it.

 

I remember sitting on the bus, looking at a pregnant woman, and actually wanting to hit her, just because she was pregnant and I was not.  

 

I remember getting those invites to baby showers, and kids birthday parties, and trying to think of a way to decline.

 

I’ve had so many people up in my business for this test, that procedure, just a peek.  

 

I remember being told by an OBGYN that “oh, it’s just a backup from years on the pill.  You’ll be pregnant by Christmas”.

 

I remember when sex became a chore, just a means to an end.

 

I’ve heard “when are you having babies”, “you just need to relax”, “it will happen when it happens”.

 

I remember waiting.  Waiting to see if the drugs are working, waiting to see if the cycle was a success, waiting to see a doctor, waiting for test results, waiting to get on “the list”. 

 

I’ve had to scrape together thousands of dollars for fertility treatment.

 

I remember the drugs, oh the drugs.  The needles, nasal sprays, pills where pills shouldn’t ever have to go, the hormonal side effects.

 

I remember feeling angry, useless and powerless. Angry that I couldn’t even do something that my friends seemed to have no trouble doing.  Useless that I had to rely on doctors to tell me what to do.  Powerless to have no say in what was happening in my own body.

 

I didn’t know then what I know now.

 

So you see.  I get it.